One-Liners #16
A man walks into a computer store and hands a clerk a floppy disk. He asks, 'Will you put the Internet on this for me?'
I was introduced as being very active in church. 'He squirms, and fidgets and wiggles.'
I was to go out jogging this morning, but I strained my back putting on my sneakers.
Advice to brides: Burn the toast so he won't notice how bad the coffee is.
-My neighbor plays a lot of golf. He claims his handicap is his clubs.
-I know a deli-owner who can't wait for the last day on earth. He claims he'll make a fortune on orders to go..
-A hardware store that sells propane had this sign out front: 'Tank
heaven for little grills.'
-A dentist posted this sign in his office: 'Floss that bridge when you come to it.'
A sign posted in a credit union said: 'A loan again? See us.'
Two contact sports: football and Christmas shopping.
-If you are all wrapped up in yourself, you're overdressed.
-It's hard to be fit as a fiddle, when you're shaped like a cello.
-Never eat any product on which the listed ingredients cover more than one third of the package.
Sign over the front door of a big supermarket in Salt Lake City. 'Nobody under $45 admitted.'
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